Claudine's dear diary

((Simply because I felt like doing something like this to keep up with everything I know and don't know ;3 And because it would fit Cloudy to have a neat, little diary which reveals more than she talks out aloud.
I do trust you won't be using this for metagaming and stuff, muffins <3))

All the text in this little blue satin covered booklet is written in a feminine, slim and decorative handwriting. There are few silken bookmarks and little parchment notes between some of the pages.


17.12 - Dear diary

Finally, woke up and got a hold of this quill again. I worry about having to delay my studies and all that, all I can do is lay in my bed with a cover up to my ears. I feel cold and weakened, but I guess I can't help it. Miss Black seemed quite startled when I saw her last evening, hope she knows something about this. I remember her telling me about a poisoning in the Apothecarium, but... I just need to go have a chat with her.

I am also fearing that people of the Apothecarium want to do nothing but spill blood all the time. Even brother showed me frightening signs of his future plans. I have tried talking about my hatred towards hurting others and killing, but all those who I have been trying to chat with seem to be trying to turn my opinion all around and encourage me to do as they do. It saddens me. As brother said, I would have to defend myself in a case of emergency... He has a point, and he's right. Of course I would be ready to hurt and kill to keep him, for example, safe. Though it seems to be vice versa for us.
Brother's been helping me out so much, with everything. I can't help feeling I owe him something, it has always been like that; if someone does you a favour, it's just good to do something back. I also feel a little bad for bringing him this identity chrisis he talks about. "The Crimson Raven never felt affection", that's what he says.

*a stain of ink, her handwriting becoming somewhat shaky and it includes more spread ink*

I wonder what will come out of me being a Master Chemist. I can barely brew three or four different potions, and I have no skill in leading or telling people what they should do. For many times I have been an inch away from going and pulling Grand Master Duskmantle's sleeve to talk about my feelings about this rank. I'd truly be more comfortable as what I was before, responsibilities and representing a big society like this truly frightens me.
Although, it frightens me more to think what Grand Master Duskmantle would say if I gave in just like this.

And now that Matthew is around... I actually feel more save to be surrounded by others with this rank, but I don't want to use it for this. I wonder if the Grand Master even knew he was Kill On Sight?

~Claudine Ophelia Moore

(( Amazing idea indeed, I love the way that the 'emote' is used in this. And good job using a rather young language.

*the text is written with obviously shaky hands, and the ink has stained the paper in many places.*

19.12 - Dear Diary


I have died once, do I have to die again? I am afraid, really I am. I have never been this afraid.
Everyplace hurts and feels stiff, I get awful coughing bursts, and I am tired. I don't want to get up from my bed, at least it manages to keep me warmer. The potion brother gave tastes gruesome without the strawberry powder, but it keeps the feverish feeling down.

Last night I opened my mouth about it at Grand Master, and I really was surprised to see him take act. After all, miss Black was affected by this... poisoning, aswell. Although I think she will do nothing for me to get a rid of this, surely she will do something if others than me were poisoned, but... I think she doesn't like me anymore.
I understand her point with the living, especially with these humans, but I don't want to see suffering. It hasn't been too long ago since I buried my family. Mother, father and my brothers were all slain like swines, that was enough of "death" to me. I envy the living. If Miss Black really doesn't want to work with me anymore, I'll gladly let her be, although it's more loss for me than for her; she is such a great tutor and to be honest, I admire her a little.
Well, at the moment my goal is not to be liked, I just want to be cured. As selfish at it sounds, but I really wouldn't like to but brother and sir Blackaxe in danger for all the materials the cure asks for.

It will be a rough day; the Apothecarium will be moving to Northrend, and I really am not sure if I can take the long trip. If there is any greater power than Lady Sylvanas', I really wish they'd listen to me. I don't want to die again.

~Claudine O. Moore

20.12 - Dear Diary

This pain just won't go away... I have almost drank all of the painkiller brother gave me, but my upper body hurts too now. As if my lower body could feel a thing, my legs don't carry me at all and I can't move them. My sight goes blurry every now and then, and it feels like something was beating on the sides of my head.
I hope people still are working for the cure, even though I am not a Master Chemist anymore. I told Grand Master I wasn't ready for it, and I really hope he won't be upset and disappointed about that. I am sure someone else will replace me and do a better job, while I can get back to my studies.

If I can get back to my studies, that is.
I don't want to die.
It's more possible that I do, and I wonder if someone will ever read this diary of mine. If someone does, I hope it's Kelmith. If I died now, I guess he would be lonely, but he can be sure that he has made one girl very happy.

Just don't let me die...

~Claudine Ophelia Moore

23.12 - Dear Diary

I have recovered well. Well, of course I could be better, but at least my legs work again and I can see everything as clearly as ever. Sometimes I keep feeling a little dizzy, but some say it might be because of lack of blood I used to have.
Yes, I made quite a mess in master La'Vey's room... He isn't the jolliest person of all, and I certainly hope isn't too mad at me for messing his bedsheets and floors with blood and stuff, at least I tried my best at cleaning them up.
...though one of his bedsheets got slightly frozen, when I forgot to take it back inside to dry when sir Blackaxe came to chat with me again.

I really owe him and the others a big one. I am so grateful to have friends like him and Kelmith. It just feels a little helpless to be around without brother by my side; some people glare, murr and otherwise seem a little hostile, even though I have tried to stay out of the way. Maybe it's because of that? I just don't want to get my nose stuck into things it shouldn't be in. And especially that Matthew... I am rather happy he is not allowed near me anymore, but I wouldn't want sir Blackaxe to get in trouble because of his willingness to take him down. I guess he can keep himself in control...

But, how relieved can a girl be to be (kind of) alive and (quite) well again? When I woke up from that awful nightmare in La'Vey's room, I really thought I would die. My body was cramping like it did when I died for the first time. Everyplace hurt and I felt nauseous, and then, I guess, I passed out. I was frightened.
I still can't turn my thankfulness into words, nor acts. I really hope that especially Brother and sir Blackaxe understand how much their effort means to me.
I am so happy. Now I really feel like sir Blackaxe is taking my side and I guess he really wants only the best things for me. After all, this wasn't the first time he was there to keep me as alive as I am.
Of course, I owe the Grand Master a huge hug for allowing the soldiers to take their actions and go to Utgarde Keep just for me... well, maybe I shouldn't go and hug him, but maybe I should at least thank him.
And La'Vey, for letting me stay in his room before getting the cure.

...though I am not sure, if he really is as kind as he seems to be. I wouldn't like to believe it, but I think the nightmares I had had something to do with him. No, no, of course the nightmares had nothing to do with him. He wouldn't, right? He just suggested me to sleep and stroked my hair, what could be wrong with that?

Well, back to work I go... I really need to catch up with my studies and all that. Too bad I might have to spend all of my Winter Veil reading and practicing. I'd rather bake some gingerbread cookies, cakes, hot apple cider and all that... And maybe learn to play some old Winter Veil songs?

~Claudine Ophelia Moore

Dear Diary - 25.12

Such a silent Winter's Veil without my family. Even Kelmith has disappeared again, but I guess it's something rather important again.
I just would've wanted to give him this present before him leaving! I hope I will get to give other presents to sir Blackaxe, miss Black, miss Citreola and a few others. I got this beautiful silvery pocket watch from Tristan... If I am not mistaken, he's one rich man, but he sure works for his money. Last time he tried to bring me a crystal rose, and I can be proud of my little materialistic self; I didn't take it. For Winter's Veil, that makes a difference.
But people really seem to have gone missing. Probably spending Winter's Veil with their most loved ones.

Well, gives me time to study! Especially now that I feel as good as a new, even though I keep taking the elixir to keep my nerves awake. Everything just feels much better, but... I am too afraid to sneak into La'Vey's room to finish with it's cleaning. It's so unfair of him to make me clean the whole room because of one frozen bedsheet, but I guess I have no choice.
...no matter how mean he is being, I think he's rather sensitive and soft after all.

~Claudine Ophelia Moore

*a little piece of parchment is hanging from between the pages, it appears there's some text with an extremely decorative writing*

26.12

So he really wanted to be with me... I really want to be together with him too.

*in the bottom corner of the ripped piece there is a little, drawn heart*

28.12 - Dear Diary

Blackaxe wants to marry me.
I wonder if I did the right thing, it just feels so soon. He even scheduled the wedding ceremony for the next Wednesday. I guess I am pretty scared, especially the reactions we got were so... inappropriate. Grand Master bent over in laughter, so did Master Darkcast aswell.
I really want to be close to him, but a marriage this soon! I told him about the studies I am going through, and he promised I'd still have plenty of time studying. Wives don't study, right? At least my mother never did.
However, it just also feels like he would be the best husband a girl like me could ever get. How could I have said no?

~Claudine O. Moore

Ps.
Oh, about the wedding...
I would want to ask for miss Black to be my bridesmaid, but I have the feeling she wouldn't want to. We haven't talked since she gave a piece of her mind about my affection to living. Maybe I should go meet my good druid friend.

29.12 - Dear Diary

I am scared.
The wedding will be tomorrow, and we barely have taken care of the arrangements. I never wanted a big celebration, but since I am in the Apothecarium, I guess there will be a lot of people. I have my dress prepared, but I can't find either Miss Black nor Jaeni...

There also was a strange little invastion by an elf, Forsaken and two druids (which didn't seem so dangerous) last night. Well, at least I suppose the cat-thing was a druid aswell, it seemed clever. Brother got injured by the elf, but he seems to have rested peacefully. I feel so happy to have Kelmith back here now, makes me feel more wanted. Sometimes I really feel a little offended by the behavior of my superiors, when they say that I am just sitting there and doing nothing. Although I study most of my time, I am no use doing heavy physical work.

I hope I'd at least could keep studying even when I become missus Blackaxe...
Can't also help worrying about this Daneton. He left me a little message in my pocket last time I was in the labs of Undercity, looking for Felucia. I never thought he would feel that way.

*a little piece of parchment has been attached to the page; An obvious love message, where the writer is sad to see Claudine get married as he was in love with her, but unable to contact her as he had been away helping a friend of his.*

I truly hope he won't be as sad as he was in the labs. I saw his tearful eyes under his hat as I stitched his finger back in place. I would want to be happy about the union with Blackaxe, but this message of Daneton's keeps bothering me.
I wish for everything to go well.

~Claudine Ophelia Moore

30.12 - Dear Diary

It's a big day today, and I hope everything will go well.
I picked up my finished veil and bouquet last night from Thunder Bluff; these taurens really can handle flowers...!

Now just to do some final arrangements...

Claudine Ophelia Moore-soon-to-be-Blackaxe

1.1 - Dear Diary

I am so happy, the wedding went alright and we had the Grand Master himself bind us together for marriage. I am really happy he did, even though he made it very clear it was nothing personal, but it still means much for me (Although a little nod or smile from your superior would really mean alot for the worker. It still appears that I am not doing enough, but I will keep trying).
Too bad my bridesmaid Jaeni didn't show up, but I understand her point. Miss Hartwell replaced her and helped me to get prepared for the ceremony, along with Matthew and Kelmith. Kelmith seemed very happy and proud, and I really am happy about it; if he has a good feeling about me and sir Blac- Teddy, then it must be really good for us. Kelmith even sent me this little vial. It smells like antidotes, but I suppose it has other meanings for us. Who knows, I am happy to see Kelmith change so much to the better, I guess I could say I am even proud of him. I can't wait to see him again, but I guess Teddy will keep me here for weeks...
Which I don't mind, of course.

He really has got everything prepared here, and we had so much great time together last night. He doesn't even mind me studying, and even encouraged me to return and get the books I didn't take with me. I am glad he understand.

~Claudine Ophelia Blackaxe

Ps. It sure feels strange to write that name as my own..!

6.1 - Dear Diary

I have been away from the duty for some time now, and everything has changed; it appears that there is this strange disease spreading, and we must stay where we are.
Even brother had it, but he seems to be recovering. Good so, because I went and did bet all my fortune and books for brother's survival. Good thing he survived, La'Vey truly is not a gentleman for not letting me reconsider. I think I got myself a bit provoked there, but... fel, I think La'Vey tried to kill my brother.
If I only could, I'd just walk to him and give him the beating he'd never forget, but I guess it's better left undone. He owes me a toad now! And an apology for killing the one I tried to tame back in New Agamand.

~Claudine Blackaxe

8.1 - Dear Diary

So it was La'Vey all along.
The potion brother sent was nothing but an antidote against the poison after all, as I thought. It made me lose my sight, almost completely, and I still need eyeglasses to be able to read and see clearly, especially in dark.
I hate that man now more than anything! If he ever reads my diary, he now knows I hate him! Trying to poison me for Kelmith stopping him harrassing a blind woman, and then trying to kill Kelmith aswell, I will not tolerate that, no matter how much of a superior he is to me!

I damn hate him!

~Claudine Ophelia M Blackaxe

11.1 - Dear Diary

I feel so sleepy. Training sessions with Kelmith and Bearach really have done their deed, I feel exhausted already, just thinking about the training! I guess I have to put my violin down for a moment to concentrate on self defense and combat... although I'd want to be use with this Isiliosis case; Miss Black has been very weak, and I am worried. She sure was not happy about the marriage, like many others were not, but she's my teacher.
Also this case of miss Taniel keeps me on my toes, brother warned me about him. Brother seems to have gone crazy... poor him, and his poor face...

Seeing Miss Black and brother fight like that made me sad.

I also met this man in Silvermoon City, and he recognized me from the description his friend had given him. He said his name was Medici, the man who licked my cheek and said he'd want to see me again soon. The man I met threatened that he'd tell this Medici if I didn't leave the place immediately.
I guess I am being a paranoid...

*there is a little piece of paper with a childish sketch of a toad in it, and a text "I will call him Mister Pudding!" in the bottom*

16.1 - Dear Diary

I am so stressed! I have a huge pile of books to read by Miss Black and Bearach. Ma'am sure wasn't happy about me training combat most of my time, instead of brewing potions and learning about herbs. Brother has been encouraged me to continue my defence trainings, after all he's a good teacher for that as another spellweaver.
Bearach has been spoiling me though. He has brought me new pair of shoes, a pile of books and he even built me a little lab in our house, with all the equipment needed. "So you can practice in peace", he said. Of course I am happy about it, but he's taking it over the top; he even bought Snippy a new saddle, reins and all that, with a note which said they were enchanted to make him swifter.

I feel like a girl of a rich noble family, I really do.

I am very worried and anxious about tomorrow, the protest they're going to hold... I wouldn't want to be there, but I guess I have to, since I wouldn't have a good enough excuse.
*one of the posters about the protest has been attached to the page*

Also these sirs Irmo and Ulguur concern me..
I'd like to keep my soul, I have no idea what Bearach was thinking when he recruited them. I also heard a rumour of the Bloodsails being upset with us...

~Claudine O. Blackaxe

17.1 - Dear Diary

Miss Black and Citreola both did something I didn't expect; they apologized, and wished me well. Ma'am even calls me Blackaxe instead of Moore again, but to be honest, I never minded that. Ma'am Black appears to trust me more than I thought, but as I was forbidden to even think about what she told me and did, I will not even write it in this diary of mine.

But to be honest, it scares me, and I can't get it out of my head. I wouldn't have wanted it at all, but I guess that is what I have to do to be trustworthy, and of course I wouldn't ma'am or brother to get in trouble. Brother told me to think that I will be fine. I really hope I will, too. And he will be here for me, that I know.

The protest is held tonight at the Landing, and I still am not sure if I should go. Brother said that I will have to stay close to him or Bearach, but I have the feeling Bearach will be fighting with people if the situation gets too nasty. I truly don't believe the protest will remain peaceful for long. I will try to be represetative and calm, so I wouldn't embarrass anyone...

~Claudine O. Blackaxe

19.1 - Dear Diary

*the text is extremely shaky and not too easy to read. The quill seems to have slipped over the page for a few times...*

I am scared. I prepared a cure to a tauren from the Bloodsails, as he had brought the ingredients. Sir Anthraxius was with me all the time, but after the cure was done the tauren shot us both. Sir Anthraxius lost his leg but he took me to Gallow's end, in brother's room.
I am too afraid to get out, I wish brother came here. My side is wounded and it hurts.

~Claudine O. Blackaxe

20.1 - Dear Diary

I haven't been able to rest the whole night. After I was left alone with sir Yuion in the labs, I got awful pain all around my body. It was unbearable, I tried to make it stop for a long while, before I realized it might have been a curse. I tried to remove it from myself, but I simply could not.
I have no idea what is going on, the pain stopped after a long while, a very long while, when I almost reached unconsciousness. It felt like hammers beating on my body from inside and outside, but I had no bruises anywhere. I am happy sir Yuion was there with me. He was ordered to stay with me and keep me safe.

I am not sure if I should tell people about it, I really don't want any more trouble than we already have with the Bloodsail pirates. I also hope that sir Yuion will not tell anyone.
I feel stupid for rising my hand last night when Admiral Lyon asked if the shot one was present. Brother released my hand so I thought I should have lifted it, but when sir Krastov told the admiral that I was resting in the labs and getting treated, I pulled my hand back. I am rather sure he spotted me.
I had to lie to my brother. He knew I lifted my hand because he released his grip of mine while we were standing in line. I don't want him to feel guilty, after all, it was me lifting my hand.

Stupid, stupid me.

~Claudine O. Blackaxe.

24.1 - Dear Diary

I am tired. I feel stupid for all the fuss that happened last night. As if it wouldn't have been bad enough to have brother snap like that. He threatened to kill almost everybody, even Bearach and later myself. He's not ill anymore, he's back to himself.
I really have to apologize to Master Teorius, shouldn't have hit him.
I just don't want to move from my home again. I have had to run around so much during my times in the Apothecarium, it makes me stressed. I'll just go back to sleep now.

Thanks brother, for sharing your room with me.

~Claudine. O Blackaxe

25.1 - Dear Diary

I have no idea what has come over me. First Darkcast, now Tristan too. He said it was all brother's fault, that the pirates were after us instead of being our allies, and said I was nothing but a filthy doll of Kelmith's. That's not true! He doesn't control me in any way Tristan would have said, he's an encouraging and caring brother. He also said I couldn't do anything but read in the corner, and knew nothing about spells, when I told him it was Admiral Lyon who cursed me and made brother bitter. I got angry and began to yell at Tristan and I ended up freezing his chest and harming his coat. Miss Halliwell was there, but luckily she forgave me and said that would go without a punishment. I hope sir Krastov won't find out, he sure would have something to say about it. After all, I think he's very keen on his job and takes it very seriously.

I had a bad thought of what would happen if I ever joined the Apothecarium. I am afraid I am really becoming one of them, unable to speak instead of fighting all the time. I promised myself I wouldn't hit any of us anymore, not after I hit Darkcast for the first time, but I had to hit him again last night. He flipped and hurt my brother and me. The kind new sir stitched up my wound, but I still have my head full of painkillers. One deep slash in my flesh it was. I have no idea what happened after I had fled to the storage to mend the wound, but from what I understood, Kelmith was close of executing Darkcast. He got away, I think, and I have no idea if he will be back anytime soon.

Damn... just how stressed can one girl be? I'd just like to keep reading and get sparring again with Brother, but I think he's too weak to for that. One of the new sirs recommended him to stay away from his magics for a while now, and I guess he's right.
It also feels like I haven't seen Bearach in days, as in, talking with him properly. I miss my home too.

~Claudine Ophelia Blackaxe.

*the text is less decorative and more messy than usually; as if it had been written in anger*

26.1 - Dear Diary

What's the matter with everyone?
People are being so hectic, and I have no idea what for. Well, I do... Darkcast apparently got killed by brother, Father Lightsworn and miss Black have done nothing but yelled at me lately, Kelmith is weakened and still he took down the Bloodsail Tauren that shot sir Anthraxius and me.
It seems we're allies with the pirates again. I am not sure if I am happy or not, but I could return home. Mister Berger visited me last night, and I feel really grateful for having him there when I was upset; he listened to my feelings patiently and he was very kind otherwise. I think I could try and get friends with him.
I should have proven my strenght and self-dependence enough, I don't cling to brother anymore. At least I don't think I do.

I need to get a rid of the burden I was offered by miss Black; damn, she can keep the thing to herself instead of making me a bait and then wondering why I'd rather stay close to brother and others!

~Claudine O. Blackaxe

28.1 - Dear Diary

Poor mr. Pudding. I thought there was something wrong as he kept croaking constantly, and tried to check his mouth for the wrong kind of things he might have eaten, but then he slipped out of my hands and jumped down onto La'Vey's organ. I stormed down to get mister Pudding back; La'Vey didn't have to strangle him! I am happy mister Pudding is recovering after that, but... damn, I pushed a senior Apothecary down on his stool! I really didn't mean to, it really was an accident, because I couldn't reach his hand I had to jump higher and... damn, damn damn..

~Claudine O. Blackaxe

31.1 - Dear Diary

Damn! Damn, Damn! As if yesterday and last night wouldn't have been bad enough with fighting in the labs, having to accompany those pirates (I don't mind being allies them, but I certainly don't want to stand 10 feet closer...) on a mission and all that, of course Taniel has returned with her friends. And they have captured ma'am Black. She said that she would throw ma'am Black to Nether if we tried getting her back without giving her the shard. At this point I really regret keeping the shard, because I know I have to give it if we want Felucia back, but she sure would make my life a living hell if I gave it to Taniel. I have no idea what to do, I am damn frightened.
Brother, however, promoted me to the temporary leader of Research and Development, and I understand it because master Darkcast is dead and ma'am Black has been captured, and someone just has to be there. Kelmith promised me we would get her back, and I really am going to work for that too, no matter what it takes. I really am ready to give the shard away if Taniel just leaves her and the rest of us alone.

I haven't closed my eyes for one second last night. I slept in brother's room next to him, but damn, I feel so helpless. I know the whole Apothecarium will be making sure the shard won't be returned, but if it costs miss Black's life...

~Claudine O. Blackaxe

(( Soo.. How did yesterday's event go? I feel like I missed something really big o.o If I find that hacker i'll tear out its spine and strangle the person with it .. And then I'll skip rope with its intestines. ))

(( It was such a nice event, took quite long though First we went to Northrend to meet up with the Bloodsailmuffins and then we headed to Isle of Quel'Thalas. I didn't quite follow the plot as usual, just had my own random RP in the background x3 But it was fun, too bad you weren't there))